Aloha from Maui

Where: Maui, Hawaiian Island

When: First week of May

Hotel: The Four Seasons Maui 5/5 stars, Aston Kaanapali Shores 4/5 stars

Top 5 must packs: Sunscreen 100 SPF, Straw hat, Water shoes (tevas), Stanley cup, Hawaiian shirts

Top 5 must see/do: Haleakala, Road to Hana, Snorkel with sea turtles, Upcountry, Authentic Luau

Imagine yourself waking up to the sound of the waves crashing, the exotic birds chirping. Knowing that the sea turtles are lurking under the water, waiting to welcome you in for your morning dip. Your only must do’s on the agenda today are to taste test the best banana bread on the island (respectfully, it’s Aunt Sandy’s) and see how many mai tai’s are too many mai tai’s (for me, it’s accurately 7).

Life is GOOOOOD.

Maui, which is also known as the “Valley Isle”, is the second largest Hawaiian island. It is home to some of the world’s most famous beaches, one of the largest dormant volcanos, pineapples galore, and much much more. I could have forever stayed on Maui without getting tired of it, but alas, work had to resume. Come along as we spend a week in Maui, splitting our time between the west and south ends of the island.

When we were in Hawaii, the fruity flavors of banana, pineapple and coconut were so prominent in quite literally everything. The flavor of coconut became my entire personality and continued once we got home. You bet your ass that I immediately purchased the coconut Monin syrup and add it to my iced coffee on days when I’m really feeling myself. I will tell you right now, that if you see someone on the side of the road selling coconuts out of their trunk, you must stop & you will stop. These coconut handlers will slice it for you with a machete, plop a paper based straw in (because save the turtles), and charge you at least $20 just because they can. But I will truthfully tell you that it is the vibe and you will enjoy every minute of it.

ITINERARY

Day 1

• Wake up early depending on how far you are from Haleakala National Park (by 4 AM for us) to watch the sunrise. You WILL need reservations if you want to be at the summit early enough for sunrise, and they only give a set amount. The views are absolutely insane- I felt like I was on a different planet. Bring a jacket- it’s chilly and windy AF.

• Explore Upcountry (they’re big cheese and vodka guys up there) or Big Beach on your way back. Big Beach at Makena State Park is Maui’s largest, widest, and longest undeveloped beach.

• We stopped at Mahalo Aleworks for a couple bevvies to plan out our next move.

• Luau dinner in Kaanapali (make reservations ahead of time). Such a unique and cultural experience. SO MUCH FOOD. Everyone sat family style on long tables facing the stage. Really glad we got to attend.

Day 2

• Our road to Hana day! We got up super early and drove towards Paia, the first town upon beginning the road to Hana. We got delicious acai bowls and some strong coffee to get us hype.

One thing about the Road to Hana is you will feel like you are going to fall off the side of the cliff. Yes, it’s stunning, beautiful, jaw droppingly amazing, but it will scare the shit out of you if you’re not on Xanax. The size of the roads are about the size of a treadmill belt, so you can imagine the chaos that ensues when two cars are trying to pass one another.

When I tell you that most of the locals really don’t want you there, I mean it. Like, alarmingly so. Note- when you rent a car in Hawaii, it’s obvious because they put a giant sticker on your front windshield that says “hey, I’m a clueless tourist and will be stopping at every turn to ooh and ahh”. Kidding, but not really, because that’s how the locals most definitely feel.

Let me set a scene for you… Almost towards the end of the “road”, we had stopped along a side street that had a shit ton of cars, so we followed the leader and thought, welp must be something to see. We parked, and made our way down this little path to a beautiful black sand beach. There were groups of people, families and couples strewn about with picnic blankets and coolers. When I tell you that necks snapped when we strolled onto the sand…. I parked it on my towel and watched from afar, while Bob galloped into the water like a small boy. Out of nowhere, a man covered in tattoos, darted towards Bob in the water, appearing fully enraged. As these massive waves were rolling in, and Bob was “bobbing” (pun intended) in the water with his back to the shore, the man began drop kicking the waves with an alarming power. Not only did I notice the awkward incident occurring before my eyes, but many of the other couples on the beach did as well, seeing that it was only Bob and this psychopath in the water. Tattooed man then got about 10 feet from my angel Bob, and hucked a handful of sand at his back and completely missed. Still, Bob had no idea. Thank God he didn’t honestly, because I’m not sure what I would have witnessed there on the beach that day. I had to spill the beans to Bob but not until we were back in the car and I could finish assessing what had just happened.

My tips for the Road to Hana:

o Rent a jeep- shit gets so muddy and you’ll definitely want to take some side roads off the beaten path.

o Purchase one of the self guided audio tours so that you know what you’re seeing. There are so many cool options along the way besides the “main attractions” that you would never know about. They’ll share tons of history and neat facts about the locations, as well.

o Be prepared to be gone ALL DAY. Definitely pack for it – bring your bathing suit, towels, dry clothes, water shoes, water and food because there’s a stretch of road that spans without any food or drink options.

o Fill up on gas before, as there are no gas stations along the road.

o Wear comfortable shoes- a lot of (what felt like) mountain scaling to get to some of the sights.

o Be prepared to piss off some locals. The road to Hana is not just for sightseeing, parts are actual residential and the locals are probably just trying to get to work or the grocery store so I can totally understand why they’re bitter.

Day 3

• Coconut coffee and breakfast at Bad Ass Coffee in Lahaina

• Surf lessons for dummies

Obviously while we were in Maui, we had to take surfing lessons. My husband had been begging me for MONTHS to take lessons at home by our local beach but it never happened. We took a lesson with Maui Wave Riders and let me tell you- it was such an experience. Did I look like the incredible bombshell I had anticipated, wearing my long sleeved limited booty coverage one piece? No. But I did feel like I was the star of Blue Crush once I finally stood up on the board.

Once again, Bob was a star at surfing, as he is for quite literally anything he tries. I rode a few waves then once I smashed my face into the sand, I thought, better not continue. I did, however, continue right back to the shore where I watched Bob and our instructor bond for the next 30 minutes looking happy as clams. Please see photos below where I almost took a poor woman’s life (I really wished we wouldn’t purchase these photos, knowing damn well they wouldn’t be vogue worthy.. but Bob said it was about the “memories”).

A seasoned pro.

I am so sorry.

• Dinner reservations @ 7:00 PM @ Humuhumunukunukuapua' Restaurant

Humuhumunukunukuapua'a was a divine experience. I had heard great things and it was a quick walk from our hotel. I had made a reservation a few weeks in advance. As we were walking to our table, I felt like we were on the set of survivor or legends of the hidden table. Our waiter was a gem, not just because he spent a solid 5 minutes teaching us how to pronounce the name of the place, but also because he was kind, knowledgeable and inviting. The food and drinks were absolutely incredible. Vibes were immaculate. Cannot recommend enough. We both got seafood dishes and I must say, the chefs in there were doing the Lord’s work.

Day 4

• UTV Excursion with a large group with Maui Offroad Adventures. A great time had by all, and we planted a tree at the top of the mountain which was nice and made me feel better than everyone.

Day 5

• Hawaii Sea Spirits Tour at Ocean Distillery where we sampled the sugar cane, rum, gin and vodka.

• Another private luau in Wailea, overlooking Molokini Crater.

Day 6

• Hang and relax at hotel pool/beach. Got a good glimpse of Magic Johnson lounging in his private cabana.

• We went for dinner and award winning drinks (specifically the Mai Tai) at Monkeypod Kitchen.

Day 7

• Our last day we had to go back to Lahaina to spend more time shopping, eating and drinking. It was our favorite little town with so much charm.

RECAP:

Maui was incredible, was a 9/10 experience from me (based solely on the very strange tattooed local that was up to no good/had a vendetta against Bob). I feel like we were there for the perfect amount of time to explore Maui, but I would love to come back to Hawaii and explore other islands. I think that Hawaii has so much eccentric beauty, culture and experiences to offer, and we only got to see a portion of that in our time in Maui. Did I stick out like a sore thumb being a pale red head amongst a literal sea of gorgeously tanned mermen/mermaids? One hundred percent. My spray tan slipped off the moment I swam in the stunning infinity pool at four seasons, but you wanna know something- worth it.

Email me for more specific itineraries or for help planning your next adventure. Cheers!